Challenges - If Only We Could Avoid Conflicts

It has been a crazy couple of days. It started on last Saturday when I went to buy a vacuum cleaner with a big smile on my face and had arrogant and poorly trained sales people to deal with. I felt mixed feelings while buying it but I wanted it badly so I felt after all I will come home and enjoy the new cordless vacuum which I planned for every day use. After some time I relaxed but the story in the shop had shaken me a bit.
That day and then later on I felt insecure in myself. I felt my husband's directions and remarks (about the vacuum or anything at all) were quite discouraging, I felt stupid and small because I did not reply to these shop people what they deserved. Instead I kept quiet because I am super afraid of conflicts and I was not feeling ok to exit my comfort zone. Since then it has been disturbing and I am finding it hard to deal with it. My main problem is: how will I be able to keep myself happy when I have so many battles of behaviors inside me? How to avoid feeling so small when I did not even try to be big and say what I felt I should say?
Anyway… I guess too much thinking and analyzing can only frustrate me more. I should just try and start stepping out of my comfort zone because it is not always possible to avoid conflicts. Besides, I think you can always express disagreement politely without huge scandals.
I remember being with my parents in similar situations when they were not treated appropriately and when they reacted back I was trembling and wanting to hide. I felt so uncomfortable seeing them in that situation, it would keep me disturbed for days. I guess it was the injustice, combined with realities of life. Lesson learned: I should really try to step up and protect myself and my rights - not only as a customer but as a human being. But I should also not get too frustrated if I fail to do so, because that frustration has adverse effect on me, my family and loved ones. Usually it is much more damaging than the initial story that caused it.

But I do enjoy my new vacuum because every morning I do a quick 10 min clean up and then Robin can crawl all around without bringing tons of dust with him.

Keep calm and find my happy balance again - that is what I should do!

Baggage

Some time ago I watched a dating show on British TV, named "Baggage". The contestants were carrying suitcases with them, filled with weird, embarrassing or funny facts about their character, like: "I go to bed at 8pm every day"or "I have eaten dog food", etc. It was quite amusing to me for a while.

Now thinking about the word "Baggage", I remember my dad saying: "When you marry a person, you marry his whole family!" It is quite true, because every person carries a lot of baggage collected through the years. Some travel light, like my husband Raju, some pack way too many things even for small trips, like me!

Me and my family are very happy with the family I married. I remember clearly my dad saying to Raju: "Thank you for accepting Krisa and us along with her. I know we come with lots of baggage." This statement felt big. Raju, in his usual style, said "Sure, no problem!" However, knowing myself, I realize that this is not easy for him. I carry a s*** loads of baggage and I rarely travel light. If I pass customs the way my baggage would be described on the declaration would sound like: "Attention: Contains strong emotions, concepts, fears, contradicting beliefs and aspirations, ups and downs, good will, breakable parts, destructive explosives, harmful memories, difficulties to let go, repetitive mistakes, mood spoilers…" The list goes on and on. Of course, there are also some good ones which got me where I am. However, it is time I scrutinize my baggage and take only what I REALLY need for the upcoming trips! Usually just a smile is enough. I should make sure I leave some space for new things to pick up on the way… new wonderful memories!"
This is precisely my next target and I have started working on it.

Which Choices Make Us Happy?

As I was watching this presentation about the abundance of daily choices in today's society, I was amazed how much every point relates to me and the way I feel about my choices. Partly it felt good that I am not the only one who feels so confused about taking the right choice. I guess it makes sense that I do like it more when I sit in a restaurant and I see 5 dishes on the menu instead of 25. I am indeed better off when given less choice.

Do you also feel that this presentation applies to your experience?

However, there was one more point which complicates my choices: karma.
Here is the Google definition: "(in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences."

I feel that every choice for me is like a position at a cross road. Should I take a particular job? Should I have a baby? Should I take this flight or the one on the next day? I sometimes feel I am moving on a map of my own life and each choice is leading to very different possibilities later on, which I do not know about. I always feel one of them should be more right than the other and it is bugging me so much that I often delay immensely the act of choosing. This makes me unsatisfied and irritated with myself.
So if we make a choice, is our path further on pre decided?
Is our life pre written or we can write it down?
I think I have to make a choice what I decide to believe and move on. Because even if our life is pre written, our choices are also dictated by that scenario, so no point thinking too much, right?

Emotional Superpower

If happiness is the one state in which all our goodness is unleashed inside us and outside to the world, then our emotional superpower is the driving force within us that helps us dust away all negativity. But if it is not pumped enough (which, I quite believe, is a matter of habit), negativity manages to penetrate and overwhelm us. Mastering the correct application of this force is my target and my biggest wish for self-improvement. And the control should be only in my own hands.
Superpower: turning on now!

Our Brain Perceptions: "Here and Now" VS "Past and Future"

Have you ever imagined that you could look at a brain stroke positively?
Take 20 minutes of your time and hear this fascinating story.
For me it was one more incredible lesson leading to a better self-realization and possibly bigger control on experiencing happiness at any point of time.

Self Discipline as the Core of Happiness

Self discipline was what made my 41,1 weeks of pregnancy a lovely, precious, enjoyable time. For the first 1-2 days after I understood I am pregnant I was in a bit of an emotional turmoil: am I ready to be a good mom, how will I go through giving birth, am I doing something that could hurt the baby inside?

Then I took a deep breath and I thought: Let me make the best of it.

From that moment on, this tiny creature inside, with a beating heart two times faster than mine and size about 1cm, became my internal emotional controller. I could no longer allow myself to get carried away by bad emotions because I thought it would somehow affect badly my little corn flake. I definitely experienced anger, fear, irritation, sadness and many other things, but I was able to quickly get out of it and feel the happiness inside.

These were blissful 9 months, with deep breaths, wide smiles, good quality sleep, relaxing yoga 2-3 times a week and a rapidly growing kicking belly. I was able to take anything lightly because my emotional controller had to be kept pure and free of negativity. It was my biggest goal and I did very well. This explains 9 months of virtually NO headache. As a comparison, usually I get 3 - 4 pretty bad headaches per month, which are usually due to me being overwhelmed by something negative. The truth is that for those 9 months I created a habit. I believed I could stay happy and the more I was happy, the easier it was to return to this state whenever I experienced a negative emotional distraction. I could safely say that these 9 months are the time I am most proud of myself; of my ability to pursue my happiness every minute. Unfortunately, believe it or not, once my emotional controller was out, I started falling into negative gaps again.

So the question after all this is: why do I have to have an emotional controller in the face of a baby when my mind should be able to do the same job? If I can be so happy to protect another creature, why can I not do it to protect myself and my own health? I have to apply self discipline to keep myself happy for my own good and then I am sure it will be again spread to others as well.

Define your Beliefs

My beliefs are one major and often unclear part of my life. I have not defined for myself what do I want to believe and what not. A simple example: my son Robin is 10 months old and he has a very very long hair. It has been the first thing everybody is commenting on since he was born and we all find it cute. It is his trademark, so to say. However, as cute as it is, it is making him sweat a lot, especially when he is breasfteeding and sleeping. I very well know that overheating is a very dangerous thing for babies, but at the same time I can't fight the superstition which I have heard from many people in Bulgaria: Do not cut your child's hair until they are one year old; if you do, you cut their luck off. So many people eagerly wait for this 1st birthday, because they feel they are doing something bad to their child otherwise.
Here is the thing: I do not have anything against people with superstitions, because they at least have decided they stick to them. Me - I don't know which one I believe in. I always tend to get convinced by the people around me. So my decisions vary according to who is near me in any moment.
This is something that makes me thoughtful and ultimately unhappy. So I am on my way on finding what I believe and sticking to it. This is what I call driving your own car in the direction you want. And most importantly - there should be no regrets about the chosen way.

The Cost of Being Unhappy

It is incredible how much we pay for being unhappy and still we choose this state very often. I personally always notice it predominantly in my eyes - they look tiny, sunk, without expression. Make up could usually not make much difference. I feel small, I talk very quiet and I avoid being noticed. My posture also shows no confidence. I totally lose myself in a stir of destructive emotions and I can go in a state when even if my biggest dream comes true, I still would feel unable to choose happiness. I have given up being the driver in my own emotion car, which is traveling on my brain map. And the more I think about it, the more I tend to believe that it is a matter of pure habit how quickly I regain control and start driving towards the Town of Happiness. Practice - that's it! The more I do it, the easier it gets every time. This is related to a general psychological preset in our mind - we tend to stick to what we do most often. Simply said, if I am used to being in a happy state, it will be a bit more difficult to get out of it for longer periods of time.
On the other hand, when I have periods of depression, I tend to convince myself that this is my normal state and being happy is just a tiny random incident which comes every now and then. I just accept that happiness is for others because they deserve it more and I spend enormous amount of time feeling sorry for myself. What a waste! This is what I call existing, not living. And the immense destruction this causes on my mind and body is the bill I pay for being unhappy.

Why Be Happy?

I believe happiness unleashes all that is good inside us. Happiness has a wonderful effect on our body - both inside and out. I look better, feel attractive and become more interesting company for the others around. Everything seems easier and when there is a problem on the way I take it as a positive and constructive challenge. Being happy makes the body release hormones which further boost my experience of lightness and bliss. I breathe deeper, I like myself, I capture the moments. All of this has immense positive effect on my well being. I feel I live, not just exist, which is what being alive is about.
That is why I become more and more convinced that being happy is something we owe to ourselves and our loved ones.

Where Is Our Happiness?

I believe happiness is a state of mind, which is always there in our brain. We just happen to allow ourselves to be distracted by different things like irritation, self-blame, jealousy, anger, holding grudges towards people, not being able to forgive and millions of other feelings which regularly diminish our energy. It is actually one long fight sometimes until we get rid of them and I am one of those people which find it often difficult to climb out of a depression hole (where one or more of those feelings has kept me a prisoner).

The funny (and wonderful at the same time) thing is that sometimes it takes just a finger click, and we have reached that desired point on our brain map, which I would call the Town of Happiness. It is strange how our brain works. These quick trips to this so much wanted place are usually triggered for me by some tiny beautiful things, which tell me: You have done something right, be happy about it!!

So in this blog, I would like to share more of those little things (sometimes totally easy to achieve) and describe how they help be to have a Shortcut to Happiness.

Hit the Road to Happiness

Dear reader,

I don't know you, but for sure we are related in some way - we both want to feel happy.
Here I will talk about my views on happiness - my personal truth on what makes me happy. I will try to have the courage to share my own stories and to reveal how they shape my happiness.
This blog is as much for you as it is for me. I want to find a way to reach that happiness inside more often and I want to spread it around. I want it because every time I reach it, it brings me lightness, creativity, strength, love, appreciation and that utter spiritual calmness, which assures me everything will be all right.

So let's hit it and see where the road takes us on the journey inside to discover our own happiness.
It might be bumpy, but for sure worth the ride.

Love,
K