It has been a crazy couple of days. It started on last Saturday when I went to buy a vacuum cleaner with a big smile on my face and had arrogant and poorly trained sales people to deal with. I felt mixed feelings while buying it but I wanted it badly so I felt after all I will come home and enjoy the new cordless vacuum which I planned for every day use. After some time I relaxed but the story in the shop had shaken me a bit.
That day and then later on I felt insecure in myself. I felt my husband's directions and remarks (about the vacuum or anything at all) were quite discouraging, I felt stupid and small because I did not reply to these shop people what they deserved. Instead I kept quiet because I am super afraid of conflicts and I was not feeling ok to exit my comfort zone. Since then it has been disturbing and I am finding it hard to deal with it. My main problem is: how will I be able to keep myself happy when I have so many battles of behaviors inside me? How to avoid feeling so small when I did not even try to be big and say what I felt I should say?
Anyway… I guess too much thinking and analyzing can only frustrate me more. I should just try and start stepping out of my comfort zone because it is not always possible to avoid conflicts. Besides, I think you can always express disagreement politely without huge scandals.
I remember being with my parents in similar situations when they were not treated appropriately and when they reacted back I was trembling and wanting to hide. I felt so uncomfortable seeing them in that situation, it would keep me disturbed for days. I guess it was the injustice, combined with realities of life. Lesson learned: I should really try to step up and protect myself and my rights - not only as a customer but as a human being. But I should also not get too frustrated if I fail to do so, because that frustration has adverse effect on me, my family and loved ones. Usually it is much more damaging than the initial story that caused it.
But I do enjoy my new vacuum because every morning I do a quick 10 min clean up and then Robin can crawl all around without bringing tons of dust with him.
Keep calm and find my happy balance again - that is what I should do!
